--undefined--

i'm so confused about something lately. I'm sure it's because of the things that have been going on lately with like getting over someone, for the most part, and stuff but it's just been on my mind so much and i dont really know what to think and it has been making me just about cry myself to sleep because i feel so confused and i try to sit there and think about it but it just doesn't work, i can't make any progress in my thinking for figure out what i'm truly feeling but for now i'm just going to push it into the back of myhead, or well i will at least try to. And i'm just not having a good day because if any of you know about the disturbing phone call i got yesterday, it has now happened two more times. It doesn't really bother me, okay so it does but i'm afraid that if the douchebag or "dickfuck" as Briana put it knows enough about me to read my LJ i dont want them (him) to know it bothers me because then that just fuels their (his) fire of retardation that made them (him) do what they (he) did. Oh well i guess. And i was really looking forward to possbily seeing someone last night...but well i guess it didnt work out. It's all good though, i dont doubt there was something legit. :o)

`~Paula~`

And tag 5 people to do the same.

(Not in any particular order)
1) Briana
2) J-E Drumline
3) OCC Drumline
4) This year is my last *real* year of high school
5) Concert Band and thoughts of next years marching band season.
6) music. band's and such.
7) Theory II x-mas piece i'm writing
8) Not caring about caroline
9) x-mas approaching
10) friends & family & such

Tags: Kc, Briana, Erica, Courtney, and Jess.

So yeah, drumline last night, <3333. Idk what it is but i guess i just like the atmosphere better, i kinda feel like i can be myself more than at a J-E rehersal. The only thing i didnt like about last night was that i feel like i got off on the wrong foot in general. Mainly with the whole learning rotation a thing because i already knew it and when it was being executed wrong i said something. It wasn't my place to, i know. But i have been doing that warm up for a while now and Jess taught it to them and jess and i learned it from Gen so...yeah... *shrug* I just felt like an ass. But it was so awesome to see Erica again, i hadn't seen her in forever. <33 and it was really awesome to see everyone else that was there too, and like on my way there i was kinda nervous because i wasn't sure of who i would know and how i would be treated and stuff but yeah it went very well. Everyone knew me except for one girl who i was introduced to and who grew up with my cousins haha and then some guy....but i didnt meet him, i just saw him and then he kinda left so yeha idk. But all in all it was good i'm just hoping that on saturday for the last piece i will get a hard piece because i already have the first two memorized, they were simple and once i play something a few times it gets committed to memory which i guess is a really cool thing with this.

after practice i went out to eat with my fav girl in the world <3333 And yeah it was just as amazing as always. Well i guess that's all because my dog is barking to come in and i'm bored with writing already. Plus my grammar is making me sick. haha.

`~Paula~`

So today i sat my mother down and had a little bit of a serious talk with her. See, her excuses for always telling me "no" for OCC WDL is that one, the mustang is a piece of shit (which is true) and that she feels i would be over doing myself with two drumlines putting in 12 hours of playing on saturdays along with 3 on wednesdays and 3-4 hours on fridays. Well i sat her down and basically explained to her that i honestly dont feel like it would be me over doing myself because it's something i love to do and if anything it will keep me on top of my school work. And now since my mom got a new van there's a reliable vehicle for transpertation.....so she said i can do it! I'm soooo effing excited about that it's crazy now i just have to get in touch with Rob or have someone tell him that i am doing it for sure and i need a schedule so i know when there is no practice.

The romance dept. of my life is crazy right now. There's someone who i have been attached to and have fallen for for about 4 months now and then there's two people i'm confused about, there's someone in my school that likes me, there's someone in my school that told me somethings that could lead to something and now there's another girl. I was introduced to her on saturday, i mean i jsut met ehr so idk if i would put her in this category but idk, she seems kinda cool and i'm excited to get to know her but everything is just so crazy and it's not even like someone would be lucky to have me. I honestly don't know where all these girls are coming from or what they see in me. And beside that i'm so fucked up from what happened like a month ago that i dont even know how good of a girlfriend i would be. idk....it doesnt really matter to me either i guess, i mean my music comes first, always has and always will!

that's all for now.

`~Paula~`

I can promise everyone now that this entry is happening only because of the fact that i have been so sick for the past 4 or so days and have been amazingly bored. I also have been feeling kind of overwhelmed with some things so maybe getting them out in here will be beneficial. I can only hope. Anyway, so i'm back t square one again when it comes to girls. I just can't seem to win in this department. I'm young so i'm not too concerned with it but it would be nice to actually feel loved again. I thought i had it made with this last one, but all i had was someone to lead me on and then completely destroy me. So there was never an actual relationship and she was actually in a relationship with another girl but all the things she said to me all the things that happened you would think otherwise. She was the sweetest girl ever and simply amazing in every way. She would tell me things like she didnt think things were going very well in her relationship and that it wasn't going to last much longer and all that type of stuff and then they would never break up and it frustrated me and i would get upset but when she would talk to me everything would go away and it would be complete bliss. I can't believe i let myself feel so much for her especially when i knew there was an existing relationship already there, but that didnt stop her. I dont know, i guess it doesnt matter anymore i've done all i could to push her out of my head but it's just not that easy. We're still friends and hang out occasionally but it doesn't take away the pain. It was crazy how much we had in common, hell we were both percussionists and both random people and crazy and just, yeah, we had everything in common and it was great. It's now time to move on and i'm ready for that because i know that i deserve better, thanks to some amazing "coaching" from a friend who must truly care :o) (briana) On other notes, i have my whole drumline show memorized so i'm now officially bored with it. And i feel like we're selling out this year. We're still going to have a kick ass show that people like Hilton would never do but the show is so easy and that has never been our style. We always would do amazing shows that had crazy hard parts. Not anymore i guess. Oh well. I really want to do OCC drumline but i dont know how possible that's going to be. Not being able to get to the college for practice is the problem i am running into and i hate it because i want to play in two lines this year because the J-E line music is sooooooo easy. So yeah, that's that.

Went and saw RENT with a beautiful beautiful amazing friend that needs to truely see how amazing and awesome she is and not think of her self so negatively sometimes. I know, i know, i should take my own advice but i really love this girl and it kills me to see her upset. She's prolly one of the only girls that i have ever loved this much and NOT wanted to jump her. haha. yay for freakin' awesome friends. So yeah, RENT, a-m-a-z-i-n-g!! THere were some parts that i was sad weren't in there like the songs Halloween and Contact, among others. And okay the real question about this movie is...durin La Vie Boheme....WHERE THE HELL WAS THE GIRL IN THE PINK BRA!?!?!?!?! I mean come on now, it's not RENT with out her hehe. As far as the new members of the core cast i approve i guess. "Joanne" wasn't all to great but i think Rosario did a good job at "Mimi" for me not knowing she could even sing. But my future wife a.k.a. Idina Menzel (i know she's already married and straight but come on let a girl dream) didn't impress me too much. :-\

I guess that's all for now. I have to babysit tonight because it's my sisters birthday and her and her husband are going out to diner and a movie which leaves me with Morgan :-D i'm excited about that i love that girl so much. By far the cutest 2 year old ever! Hopefully i will be able to update more often, but it wont happen so yeah. haha.

`~Paula~`

p.s. I have taken on a new nick name , thanks to Caroline. I enjoy it for some reason though. So if all else fails, call me Pete.

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Kissed your cousin: on the cheek and stuff but incest isn't really my thing hehe
2. Run away: nope
3. Pictured your crush naked: um...yeah haha.
4. Skipped school: not really
5. Broken someone's heart: yeah...
6. Been in love: i think so.
7. Cried when someone died: yeah
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yeah..but i refuse to admit it to myself.
9. Broken a bone: noperz
10. Done something embarrasing: helllooo.....its me here.
11. Done a drug: :-x
12. Cried in school: when i found out my cousin was murdered.

Which is better:

13. Coke or Pepsi: pepsi
14. Sprite or 7UP: sprite
15. Girls or Guys: girls :-D

16. Flowers or Candy: flowers
17. Scruffy or Clean shaven: hello....gay here....i would hope clean hehe
18. Blondes or Brunettes: idc, its not something i really care about
20. Tall or Short: taller than me, which isnt hard to find.
21. Pants or Shorts: pants
22. Night or Day: def night

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX * same sex*

23. What do you notice first: the eyes or lips
24. Last person you slow danced with:ummm....not sure. Jimmy-boy maybe.
25. Worst Question To Ask: idk

LAST
26. Showered: last night
27. Stepped outside: a few days ago. Outside + sick = a big no no
28. Had Sex: hehe...a few days ago
29. Romantic memory: not sure.
30. Good Luck Charm: idk
31. Person You Hate Most? i dont think i hate anyone.
32. Best Thing That Has Happened to You: it happened a few months ago.

33. On your desk: music stuff
34. Picture on your desktop: my marching bands name and town on the jumbo-tron from the dome

FAVORITE
35. Color: purple. among others.
36. Movie: The Lion King, RENT, a million others
37. Artist:Georgia O'Keefe
38. Cars: Mustangs, Cougars, and Jeeps
39. Ice Cream: *shrug*
40. Season: spring and summer
41. Breakfast Food: pancakes

WHO
42. Makes you laugh the most: plenty of people!
43. Makes you smile: my friends :-x
44. Can make you feel better no matter what:jimmy-boy, sheepy.
45. Has A Crush On You: no one
46. Do You Have A Crush On::-x
47. Has it easier? Girls or Guys?: guys i think
48. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: :-x

DO YOU EVER
49. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: yup
50. Save AIM conversations:oh yeah
51. Save E-mails: yup
52. Forward secret E-mails?: no
53. Wish you were someone else: in a sense, yes
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: not at all
55. Wear perfume: sometimes
56. Kiss: mmhmm :o)
57. Cuddle: all the time
58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time:i'm always online...but not always there

HAVE YOU EVER
59. Fallen for your best friend?: mhm
60. Made out with JUST a friend?: oh yeah
61. Kissed two people in the same day?: yes
62. Had sex with two different people in the same day?:no
63. Been rejected: yup
64. Been in love?:i think so
65. Been in lust? yeah
66. Used someone?: not to my knowledge
67. Been used?: yup
68. Cheated on someone?: not really
69. Been cheated on?: yeah
70. Been kissed?: yeah
71. Done something you regret?: yeah

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON
72. You touched?: not a clue
73. You talked to?: my mom
74. You hugged?: benny-boy
75. You instant messaged?: ali
76. You kissed?: wouldn't you like to know
77. You yelled at?:umm....i dont know
78. You thought about?::-x
79. Who text messaged you?: Tina
80. Who broke your heart?: :-x
81. Who told you they loved you?:i dont remember hehe

DO YOU
82. Color your hair?: yup
83. Have tattoos?: yeah 2 stars
84. Have piercings?: yup - ears and lip
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: noperz
86. Own a webcam?:nope
87. Own a thong?: yup
88. Ever get off the damn computer?: yeah
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: used to know a few choice words
90. Habla espanol?: i know how so say there's a party in my pants but idk how to spell it
91. Quack?: *waddle waddle*

HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU
92. Stolen anything?:hahaha yeah
93. Smoke?: nope
94. Schizophrenic?: not technically hehe
95. Obsessive?: with somethings kinda
96. Compulsive?:no
97. Obsessive compulsive?:a little
98. Panic?:nah
99. Anxious?: not really
100. Depressed?: nope.

Okay so yeah i dont even remember the last time i updated......and i'm wayyy too lazy to look. Well i went through band camp and that was a riot the picnic was amazing too. Gen and Sobo have left us for good. I couldn't believe it but it's okay. We're coping. I love my family. I have a new found love for my cousin Laura....i hung out with her all day yesterday and learned how awesome she STILL is even after we've grown up. :-D Hopfully i will go to her house and hang out tomorrow!!! I really dont ahve time to update i wanna practice band stuff because i'm in love with all of it....and yeah OMG i am gonna try and go back and get a job there as an instructor my first year out and my present instructors who have taught me all that i know support me and stand behind me! That makes me feel sooo amazing.....school starts soon and i'm psyched about that as well. I'm jsut really happy all around and i'm so excited for this year and especially this band season.....we're gonna kick ass....EAGLE PRIDE BITCH...well i'm out. laterdays all..
`~Paulabee~`

I dont have any time to update AT ALL haha....but this week is band camp and i'm loving it soooo much and i will tell all about it some other time when i have time hehe.
`~Paula~`

umm lets start on.....Wednesday.

Wednesday: The day was boring but then i had marching band and although that was boring it was ok. After that i left with Amy Porter and we went and picked up Jess Auer at her house and then went out to Mary Stanley's to pick her up then we all met up at Ro's. They are all pretty kick ass girls but i jsut never really hang out with them so it was vvveeerrrrrryyyyyyy awkward! But when we got to Ro's Jess Jones was there which made me happy cause i adore that girl so much. So we waited around a bit for Corey to get there and then we left. I was happy because it was just me Corey and Jess in Corey's car and I love both of them so the awkwardness was gone. We then got to the bowling alley and met Chris there. So a fast forward through the bowling: Out of 8 people chris came in first, me in 2nd, corey in 3rd, and thats all i know of. And it was Chris Corey Me and Jess on one team and the other team deff owe's us a pizza! It was Ro's idea haha. But yeah so afterwards Corey took Jess Auer home and then took me home. It was an awesome time in the car on the way home. :-D I love those two kids. :0)

Thursday: Woke up > did stupid chores i had to do > went over to the bogarts > then we went down to Rome and saw the most kick ass dci show ever! haha. I have a plan for the next two years of my life: PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE because after i graduate high school, i'm going to be a BOSTON CRUSADER! The most kick ass DCI div. I corps. *sigh* i love them! hehe THe only thing i liked better was the one girl in the pit from the Orlando Magic Drum and Bugle Corps....she reminded me a lot of Allyse :-D

Friday > I did a whole bunch of nothin too special! hehe I went to the store with my mom and we visted my god mother. then came home and chilled out. Oh and hopefully plans will soon be made with Allyse for a "The L Word marathon" :-D

Today: Either up to Colin's for the night later(after the wedding) or maybe chill with Allyse...not too sure yet. :-D

laterdays all,
`~Paula~`

Last night was completely crazy. The plans efor the evening were switched around so much due to people backing out of doing something they said they would, but anyhow it all came together. My father, Christina, and I went out to Hannibal to pick up Colin. When we got there he wasn't there and i just kenw where he was and what he was doing. I certainly couldn't tell my father what the little boy was up to so i told him that he left a note on the table and it said he went to a friends house real quick and would be right back. So we waited there for almost a half hour. When he got there he got his stuff and then we left and headed back to my house. We had to make a detour to drop of Christina and pick up my mother. We were on our way out the dor when Colin got the bright idea to walk home instead of ride with my parents. I was game. He took his 12 string acoustic out of the trunk of my car and we started walking. We were talking and playing and singing and i was providing a beat. It was an awesome time. :-D Then about halfway down my road i all of a sudden get awesome service on my phone, which i never knew about because i always get very shitty service in my area. So i come into service and my cell notifies me that i have 2 texts and a voice message. I check the texts: Both from her :-D I check the voice message: from her aswell. She just wanted to let me know she was thinking about me and that she hoped i was having a blast. Now if you don't know who "her/she" is then i might tell more about her in a future post. I do not wish to talk about her much now until i know what is going on, although i will be speaking of her through out some of this post. ANYWAY....So i recieved these messages and i just couldn't stop smiling. Colin was rolling his eyes at me and making fun of me. On to other things: We reached my house figured out plans and then went outside to wait for tiffy, jimmy, and tiff's mom and sister to pick us up. We soon enough were picked up, after like 15 minutes of annoying people at like 10:30 at night with his guitar playing and our singing. hehe.

Okay i'm not going to tell in detail what happened because that's for the members of the FAVtastic 4 to know!! Jimmy-Boy had these goggle things that were from Willy Wonka. The ones they have to wear in the "TV Room." They were cool! hahaha. The night was filled with T.V. , joking around, being random, doing dumb stuff, going for walks after curfew in radison, me texting and talking to her...a lot...hehe, laughing so hard we all almost pee'd ourselves a few times, and just enjoying each others company so. I love these kids. And hopefully Tiffy and i can hang out on tuesday, or at least i believe tuesday is the day she has off.

On another note, i recieved a rather random yet very exciting phone call today. It was Briana. I haven't talked to her in a very long time. Probably about three weeks or more. We have plans to go thrifting tomorrow. I'm excited. :-D Her and i have a lot to fill each other in on and catch up with.

ANOTHER happy note, i am going to the drum corps show in Rome on thursday. The Bogarts KICK ASS! :-D

One more happy note then i swear my happy notes are DONE. hehe. :-D I can't wait until the weekend of the 19th of august. No details. Just that.

Laterdays all,
`~Paulabee~`

Nothing has really gone on but i'm sure i'll havea nice update after tonight hahahaha. Well something that did go on was that Colin came over and stayed the night again..haha he went home sunday and came back tuesday...he just can't get enough of me hahahaha. JK. And Katrina came oer and hung out with colin and i on tuesday. Other than that....i did start talking to this girl....name's Mindy. Personality's fucking awesome. :-D She's gonna be going away to college ....she's goign to the same college as Catrina Thayer. I don't know if i'm looking for anything...i doubt i am....but i mean she's awesome and i could, far, FAR, in the future see myself having some sort of feelings for her but for right now i'm enjoying getting to know her and i'm enjoying the interesting randomness that we both posess. I would love to get to know ehr better and if in that something develops i wouldn't be complaining cause i know she can hold down a relationship of length and substance. Honestly, she seems too good to be true. :-\ Oh well, she's true. Well that's all for now. OH WAIT. I love my FAVtastic Four!!!!
Jimmy-Boy = Mr. Fantastic (cause he can strech and jimmy's tall)
Tiffy Lou = The Invisible Woman (she just wants to be able to be invisible *shrug* hehe)
Colin = The Thing (he's all rock looking and colin's a ROCKer)
Me = THe Human Torch (i'm guessing it has something to do with the word flamer ;-) haha)

`~<3Paulabee<3~`

So this is going to be kinda short beacuse i don't really feel like taking a lot of time to type but okay so before leaving for marching band i sent tiffy a message and i didn't save it but it was something along the lines of "tiffy i love and i wanted you to know that i have neer felt so close to someone i haven't known for very long. I want you to know you're special to me and the best girl friend (friend who's a girl) i have ever had and i wanted to tell you that because i want to tell you that every day so you never forget" and then i got back and i got the most amazing message ever! :-D

TriTiffatops: Aw Paulabeeee I love you soooooo much. I swear like whoa omg, yea! You seriously are quite amazing and make my days brighter because I know youll always be here for me, as i will for you. I hope we can have another crazy get together soon because of how much i miss you!!!! You are my best girl chick friend EVER! I cherish every moment we have together. I'm so glad I met you. =D We seriously have more in common then we think sometimes. Same feelings, different stories. I find comfort in that. I find comfort in you. One day you shall be my maid of honor and where the hottest black and yellow polka dot dress in the wooooorld. Get it cos its like...paula BEEEE. haha yea...im fucking clever:-)

It made me smile soooo much and then i checked my messages on my cell phone cause colin said he was goign to leave me messages during back so i could check them on breaks and this is what i got " hey paula it's me colin sorry i didnt leave yuo any messages so i made you a song and here it is" and then he proceeds to play a song that is sooo fuckin funny and sounds so cool and has a kick ass guitar solo at the end. Here are the lyrics to the song a little bit of my and colin's convo from a few minutes ago...

BreakOnThrough35: hello paula
picker nose9864: hi hehe
BreakOnThrough35: haha did u get my message / song? ;-):-P
picker nose9864: yeah
picker nose9864: that's the prob
picker nose9864: like i can't hear you
BreakOnThrough35: u like? :-P:-P
BreakOnThrough35: =-O ?
picker nose9864: like i can hear that you're singing but i can't make out the words
BreakOnThrough35: haha i know
BreakOnThrough35: ill send u the words
picker nose9864: kk :-)
BreakOnThrough35 wants to directly connect.
BreakOnThrough35 is now directly connected.
BreakOnThrough35: shiiit
BreakOnThrough35: i have to type em all out again :-\O:-)
BreakOnThrough35: :-P*
picker nose9864: will you, please. For me? hehe
BreakOnThrough35: haha i ammm *grunts* :-P
picker nose9864: aww thanx :-)
BreakOnThrough35: no prob!
picker nose9864: i have never had a song written about me....the only words i could make out were the fierst ones and then i guess i had sex with you and took of all your clothes or something haha
BreakOnThrough35: haha yes :-P:-P
picker nose9864: hehe
BreakOnThrough35: Well I know a girl and her name is Paula… they call her Paula-bee.
And I'll never forget that one special night that she… she made love to me.
She took off all my clothes and then threw me on the bed.
Next thing… next thing you know she's shitting on my head!
I guess she likes it weird like that, so I'll pretend I like it too.
And I guess before I got in too deep I should have thought things through.
Cause' the next thing that I remember is she's pulling out the whips.
Cuffs me down… down to the bed and kissed me on my lips.
And then she got a welding mask and a blowtorch in her hand.
The she put a gag in my mouth and it tasted rather bland.
Then she grabbed a bucket of leeches and that's when I passed out.
I bet she did evil things to me, in my mind there ain't a doubt.
I woke up the very next day and beat bad out of shape.
I guess I was a victim… a victim of lesbian rape.

BreakOnThrough35: ::GUITAR SOLO!:: :-P
picker nose9864: OMFG OMFG OMFG i LOVE IT!!!!!
picker nose9864: awwww thank you
picker nose9864: i mean i know its kidna kinky but still
picker nose9864: haha
picker nose9864: i love it
BreakOnThrough35: haha ur welcome! :-D
BreakOnThrough35: hahaha
picker nose9864: :-D
BreakOnThrough35: ill try to increase the volume in the vocals and send u a better version
picker nose9864: sweeto
picker nose9864: hey can you record on your computer?
picker nose9864: like do you have a mic?
BreakOnThrough35: yes... thats how i recorded it :-P
picker nose9864: oh well send it to me over the comp.....well a better version
picker nose9864: because i would so burn that and rock out to it on a regular basis
picker nose9864: hehe
BreakOnThrough35: okay!
BreakOnThrough35: hahaha sweeeet :-P
picker nose9864: :-D
BreakOnThrough35: hmm... well the only thing is that if u want to hear the vocals... the guitars r gonna sound abnormally quite :-P
BreakOnThrough35: but it sounds better once the solo comes about
picker nose9864: okay....
picker nose9864: :-D
BreakOnThrough35: haha who cares its fine!
BreakOnThrough35: hahah this song is the fuckin shit!!! :-P
picker nose9864: yeah it is
BreakOnThrough35: if i had a drummer and a bass player... id be winning grammys and shit :-P
BreakOnThrough35: "and the winner for "most bad-ass song" goes too... ::opens envelope::... COLIN DRAYER FOR "LESBIAN RAPE"!
picker nose9864: hell yeah dude
picker nose9864: :-D
BreakOnThrough35: ill name it "Paula / Lesbian Rape" :-P
picker nose9864: :-)
picker nose9864: i'm so excited

HAHA i love these two knuckle heads soooo much!!!

`~Paulabee~`

p.s. Marching band kicks ass.

Okay so lets start ummm.....like last week quickly.....me and tiffy made plans to hang out saturday and go to the mall. Okay now skip to Friday. Alright the day was basically wicked boring and then like Colin IMs me and is like dude what if i come over and stay the night and we hang out. I'm like well i have plans tomorrow and so we worked things out and he was gonna get picked up at the mall the next day. SO we asked our parents and like FUCK YEAH DUDE it was all good. So he got here like 830 and we like started talkin listening to some music and shit. We started to get bored out of our minds so we were like talkin catching up and everything and like just OMG that kid is awesome i wish i could post movies and pictures from my phone but idk how or if it's possible so if someone knows LET ME KNOW!!!! :-D Anyways.....so we were hanging out thinking of ways to get in trouble and we kind of started to plan get together but no one was available that night so that sucked. Anyways i can barely remember like details....it was just crazy i mean i hadn't seen the kid in like 3 years and now here he is all like muscular and tall and has a deep voice and a bigger weiner haha. It was kinda surreal at first but it was awesome i mean i felt like there was a missing link of my life put back in its right spot. I mena i know that sounds weird but its awesome.Yeha and i picked on him all night for like being metro cause he had all these beauty supply things and like his noxeema pads and stuff haah i just thought it was funny... So yeah we made a porno....kind of. I directed it, he starred in it but his other partner was a doll, like stuffed animal type doll thing, and there were no body parts exposed except for his chest. But yeah it was the funniest thing EVER i have the videos on my phone....we did three scenes haha. I guess thats what 3 years of not seeing someone who was your best friend will do to you especially at like 330 in the morning haha. And then after our movie was done hehe we watched The Wall (PF) and then we put on some Wish You Were Here (i think that was the name of it) some fucking awesome guitar music!!! And then at about 430 we went to sleep.

So went to sleep at 430 right....when does the douchebag wake up and wake me up?!??! 930! What is that?!?! hehe So we get up...kinda lounge around for a bit then eat breakfast and get ready. So we're on our way out to go and get tiffy to go to the mall. We get her....oh man i walk into her house and say hi to becky (her little sister) and her mom and then tiffy comes down the stairs and shes talkin to her mom and she's like mom.....i need some THINGS you know THINGS haha i thought it was completely hilarious. But of course before this mister metro colin need hair spray to fix his hair haha. Anyways then we went to the mall and had the time of our lives....i was peeing myself soooo much....on the inside of course. ;-) So yeah things and plans changed or whatever and instead of going back to my house we were gonna go over to tiffy's but then jim + joes mom wasn't liking that idea just because we like chaged our plans....but it wasn't our fault.....and i called her and talked to her and then jimmy and joey could both come and tiffy was all happy haha. And yeah so like Colin called his parents and asked if he could stay for another night....and he could. WHICH WAS KICK ASS. But his parents didnt know that we were gonna be at Tiffy's not here. oh well haha. But yeah....

I'm deff not gonna tell abuot the whole night cause i think that's impossible because as i sit here i have not yet gone to bed haha. It was a wild night full of naked boys(not too much really haha), finding out things, and realising that i am the luckiest mofo in the world....and that there is only one other thing in life i need to make me completely happy. hehe

So yeah something i need to tlak abuot a little bit....2 people in my life that are just completely amazing....(in no certain order) #1) Jimmy - This boy is amazing, just completely fucking awesome! I mean he's the the coolest boy, silliest boy, most caring boy, sweetest boy, just most awesomest Jimmy-Boy there ever is, was, or will be! I just can't believe i'm lucky enough to have him in my life...and i don't think i tell him that enough! if at all..... and #2) is Tiffy. Wow i mean yeah i have had girls who are friends before and everything and even ones that were close but tiffy's different. I mean like her and i are 2 completely different people about sooo many things but even if we disagree or see things differently we can talk abotu them and see where the other is coming from. And i mean i made a little bit of a fool of myself last night hehe but like yeah i cared but she made me feel a bit more comfortable. And i love her sarcasm too hehe. Although it takes me a minute to get it sometimes...like to know if she's joking or not hehe. But back to what i was really talking about. Like i just feel like i can be real with ehr and be all girly emotional with her and not feel like a huge loser! She makes me feel safe and stuff and like when me her and jimmy were chillin and walkin around out side bored out of our minds it just felt right. Like i mean the three of us a pretty good friends and i dont want to loose them two as friends because they mean the world to me. I hope we can all get together again soon and chill. I love these peoples!!!! hehe there's like a song that deff fits this(well in my head atleast)...hehe:

ELPHABA
I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
(spoken) For both of us
(sung) Now it's up to you:

GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:

GLINDA
Because I knew you:

BOTHI have been changed for good

ELPHABA
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

GLINDA
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

BOTH
And none of it seems to matter anymore

GLINDA ELPHABA
Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a
Through the wood Bird in the wood

BOTH
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

GLINDA
And because I knew you:
ELPHABA
Because I knew you:

BOTH
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

So yeah one other thing.... Idk...like i just want to be loved haha. I want to be able to do all that stpid cutsie sttuff hehe. And i mean as far as from a far and like without getting to know them that good at all i have kinda met this girl that seems totally kick ass and everythign and we're into like almost everything the same haha....and i hope i get to know her better. but i'm not really SEARCHING for love because i know that if i do that....it would never work out so i'm looking for a friend in her...and if more developes then that's cool. Oh well i think i'm done this thing is wicked looooonnngggg hehe.
`~Paulabee~`

So i took this thing on line that's supposed to tell you what you are like and what kind of career you should persue...this is what i got....

INTEREST IN JOB CONTENT
(Those tasks you want to perform)

Paula is conscious of existence, meaning, purpose, potential and destiny of humankind, people, and self. Paula is motivated by a self-felt, self-accepted calling to the cause of good, growth, and gain in the lives of others. Influential communication of ideas is a primary way of achieving those objectives. Perception and thinking tend to be holistic and conceptual; i.e., seeing the big picture. It is important to see which of the other traits are interactive with this trait because there can be many interesting combinations. This is a major trait in cultural, intellectual, academic, and creative activities. It includes ideas, concepts, theory, ethics, and values.

TEMPERAMENT FOR THE JOB
(How you prefer to perform tasks)

Paula prefers and needs change and variety. Change is motivating, stimulating, and energizing. Paula looks for new options, challenges, assignments, acquaintances, relationships, and even new careers in new places. Paula tires of sameness, repetition, and routine even in activities that were interesting at the start. Once things become routine for Paula, this becomes a motivation to move on to more interesting things.

APTITUDE FOR THE JOB
(Expression of performing tasks)

Paula's preferences and motivations are derived from understanding the deeper or 'real' meaning of ideas and words and uses them effectively in written or oral communication. Literary in this factor means intentional search for ideas expressed by the minds of others for one's own use, assimilation, learning, etc. The source can be books, other publications, historical documents, research information, drama, movies, television, the "information highway" or internet, etc. Emphasis is on communication: picking up information from minds of others or communication aimed toward the minds of others. Journalism and writing are major activities. Literary activity is not exclusively intellectual, academic, or cultural. It may be an end in itself as in a bookworm for instance. And literary activity is not always accompanied by communicative activity, written or oral. On the other hand, communicative activity need not be literary in the classic sense.

PEOPLE
(How you relate to people, in priority order)

Paula's motivations are heightened significantly by persuasive, gregarious, auditory-musical, visual-artistic, and communicative traits to entertain others with intent to convince them toward a particular idea, viewpoint, direction, objective, or product. In this motivational context, entertainment is more than pleasing people. It has promotional and marketing objectives. Some preferred activities include: marketing, sales, public relations, television commercials, lobbying, political campaigns, promotional consulting, sports announcing, etc. Motivations may also be driven at the prospect of efforts to get ahead in various areas of entertainment and/or acting, i.e., to advance one's own career. Persuasion is the primary preferred trait. A high level of motivation exists because there is an element of risk involved where the effort has a goal tied to the end of the act.

THINGS
(How you relate to things, in priority order)

Paula has moderate mental/sensory/physical preferences for handling material processing. This may or may not involve machines or machine operation. It basically means motivation to manage (i.e., functionally manipulate) things at hand from one place to another, from one process to another, from one material state to a new one because of the process. This can be machine work or craft work or even supervising ("bossing") the work of people.

DATA
(How you relate to data, in priority order)

"Synthesize: putting two or more things together to form a whole; the combination of separate elements of thought into a whole; the operation by which divided parts are united" (Webster). Paula is motivated by seeing the big picture so much so that (s)he, attempts to see all parts of the picture in that larger context, then sees all parts relative to each other, but still within that larger context. Perception and thinking are therefore holistic and conceptual. Philosophical and intuitive processes are involved. Scientific, managerial, and/or literary preferences may also be involved. Other mental factors in this section are subordinate, secondary, or complementary to this primary motivational attribute. This is an overview and scanning activity that includes ideas, concepts, theory, fiction, hypothesis and assessment.

REASONING
(How you relate to reasoning, in priority order

Paula is strongly motivated to apply thinking to the big picture through holistic ideas, concepts, options, and strategies. This does not mean, suggest, or imply that thinking is kept only in a holistic context but it does mean that the first and constant priority or preference for consideration and focus are on the big picture. (Example: Paula more likely prefers to be an executive rather than a manager, and more inclined to be a manager rather than a supervisor.) Considering how pieces of the picture are brought in to the big picture stimulates motivation for the activity.

MATHEMATICAL CAPACITY
(How you relate to the applied usage of math)

Paula is motivated and probably equipped to work with, use, and apply math at management levels for tracking, analyzing, and proving business activities and performance. This is part of a management generalist preference.

LANGUAGE CAPACITY
(How you relate to the usage of language

Paula is highly motivated to consider creative writing and communicating at professional levels. Preferences are holistic, conceptual, imaginative, and creative. "Ideas trigger more ideas" can probably be said about Paula. High motivational levels for this worker trait indicate an interactive combination of literary and philosophical traits. As Dean W. R. Inge said, "Literature flourishes best when it is half a trade and half an art." That probably makes a great deal of sense to Paula. Motivation at this level indicate preferences that probably include writing fiction, poetry, scripts for movies or television, advertising copy, marketing copy, teaching creative writing, etc.

interesting........hmmmm

I get so excited about having a journal and everything and i'm always like i'm gonna update all the time and stuff and then i get really lazy haha. I'm gonna fight through the lazy-ness haha. Okay i'm gonna start with the night before last. SO i was getting stuff together for a y2y meeting with my vp the next day and i wanted some help kinda deal with coming up with things. So i was talking to Sarah online about it and she said that i should talk to Jess cause she might be more of a help than she was and she was going to bed i think. Well i call Jess at like 1030 or something and we talked for almost four house half about y2y stuff half about anything and everything else. I have some amazing memories from that conversation. It's crazy. She's seriously one of the coolest most awesome people i know. I feel like she understands me so much. I mean i have recently gotten close with Tiffy and she understands me so much and i understand her so much and everything but it's different with Jess because we have gone through a lot of the same things and have the same passions in life(generally speaking) It's awesome! Anyways so yeah that phone conversation was awesome but i have to pay my mom when the bill comes in because it's long distance and my cell doesnt work at my house which is soooo shitty. OH well. T'was very worth it.

Oh and i've had marching band everyday this week and i have it today and tomorrow. It's going well and i'm kinda of excited because i dont play in the first piece because i'm conducting back field and that's exciting but it also means that between the first segment and the second i hve to run my lazy ass across the field. but that's not that far so...haha. But it's awesome and the second segment is cool but it's really slow(approx. 68) but i have to play 16ths when everyone else is playing sixtuplets and then when i play the sixtuplets they are playing the 16ths. But it's gonna be crazy awesome and like Chrissy and i are getting closer again. We kind of drift when we're not in marching band but i had an awesome talk with her the other night.She just seems like a happier person when marching band is around...she gets her chrissy faces back :0) And i feel that Dani and i are gonna get pretty close. I mean i'm excited about her and i rooming together but i hope we get our own room like just the 2 of us so that we each have our own bed. *shrug* idk how possible that is though.

So my y2y P-VP meeting!! haha. Rachel and i met up at mulberries at noon and talked about everything y2y and got soooo much done and i'm psyched about it!!! And my sister, Becky, is going to talk to her boss and instead of giving me a discount she's going to see if i can get some of the t-shirts and beanies and livestrong type bands for free since it's a good group and stuff. I'm excited and i'm gonna have an officer's meeting and talk about all the perchasing and stuff and we really gotta fund raise like crazy!!! But i know a lot of people if you know what i mean....so i'm hoping for some hook ups like my sister becky with the t-shirts and stuff and then my sister michele works for a food broker and i might be able to get free stuff from there cause i mean she gives us free food all the time from their "sample" things but maybe she can get some food places to donate some stuff. That would be kick ass and then like local pizza shops and the big m and crap like that. Cause we don't have a lot of time to fundraise that's why im kinda hoping that Victor will have their conference and ours will be in April because then i can have it the day after my birthday :) and we'd have a lot of time to plan and raise money. But if victor isnt having a conference we're taking their slot which is like the 2nd or 3rd weekend in november.that gives like 3 months of fundraising from NOW. We're gonna do like car washes and bottle and can drives over the summer. But we have to get in touch with advisors. And i have no way to contact them. Oh and i'm excited because Chris (Sobo) is gonna help me write a song from the conference and that kid is like a musical genious and i've gotten to hear some mroe of his stuff and its awesome and he's totally all for helping me and the weekend of the conference...if he's free he will come down (over) from college and perform it with me. I'm totally psyched about that.

And now i'm trying to figure out how to hoop up my dvd/vcr thingy so that i can watch things without having to shut off the cable box so that i can record some stuff off of tv for Leah.I'm electronically stupid right now hehe. My dad said he knows how and that he's gonna help me....now i just have to wait for him to come home haha. I feel like there was more i wanted to talk about but i deff can't remember so this is where i end it. hehe. Laterdays all.
`~Paula~`